Puschels passion: http://www.mfh-elsalvador.org

Diary 2012

12th of March 2012
A very few of you asked us in the past days if it would be „permissible“ to quote from Puschel‘s diary. We thought about that a while, but finally we agreed that it would not be a breach of confidence if we give you excerpts of her diaries. Indeed, we know that she kept them under wraps all the time and surely never wrote them for public. We also never read anything from her until now (and we are surprised how much she wrote). However, we also know that her deepest and most intimate concern was to point out to this LORD who designated and always should designate her life. She wanted to witness him for all her friends and even for people she just got to know to. That was often expressed in her letters and many talks. Therefore we‘re sure that she would have no objections now or does have no objections now (we do not really know actually if she witnesses that right now from eternity...).

It‘s, however, such a strong inspiration for us ourselves and for our lifes to see that she included Jesus in every situation and in every step of her life, so that we really want to pass it on to you. We did not know ourselves yet in which intensity she did. She never extravert this directly, even though she liked to talk about Jesus with everybody.

It‘s so difficult in our time to keep this intensive personal relationship with Jesus and obviously it can be so easy. All the more important it seems to us to pass it on to you. We often told you that we do not see her or want to depict her as a particular saint in the sense of faultless, but you yourselves wrote us in many emails that Puschel became such a strong inspiration for many of you. We know, that she for sure was not faultless, like all of us are not faultless. And yet, obviously she included her Lord consequently in everything, so much that nothing was more important to her than keeping in contact with HIM and let HIM speak through her to other people. You know how it always was expressed in all her letters and talks.

That‘s why I want to quote two days of her diary here, it‘s from her very first time in El Salvador, when she arrived and slowly won into this country.

March 28th 2006 (that is nearly 6 years ago):

„God, I extol and praise you for all the blessings you gave into my life. Thank you for the time when I could visit Alana, Liesl and Tom and their family. Father, you created the world so wonderfully for us. Now a new section in my life begins. I just arrived in El Salvador. What a blessing it was to have this young couple sitting next to me in the airplane. Thank you for this encouragement. Bless them! I alighted with 37º C. The country is beautiful. Many kinds of trees and birds. I‘m blessed with my own bed and bathroom. Out of my window I can see a beautiful sunset. A window with view to the garden. My day comes to an end. Thank you for my life! „You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden.“ Matthew 5:14. Yes, Lord, it‘s because of you that I‘m here. Please, never let me forget what I have because of you! Be my strength. I want to know you more.“

March 29th 2006:

„Father, this world is so different. Here I‘m living in one world and yet it seems to be two. Today I met the kids for the first time. This place is a big challenge for me, too big. But Lord, that was your plan, now you will accomplish it. I thank you. Through some conversations I realized that I‘m the (only) nurse for 50 kids. First I was shocked, and then I prayed. A short time later a woman spoke to me, who is going to help me for a short time. She explained that she has informations about different diseases - especially for El Salvador. She always hoped that it‘ll help somebody some day. Thank you that you sent her for this week. I do not understand anything in Spanish, but I love the children. It‘s a steady state to carry a child in one‘s arm. Today a little one talked to me for about 10 minutes and I understood nothing. The children are poor and yet they are richer than many others in this country. Yes, and there is the other world: I have a beautiful big room here. The towels will be substituted every day. I think I‘ll never have to clean my room by myself. I drove with Gary (the founder of the children‘s home) to the hotel (an international Hilton-Hotel in which Gary is the director). That‘s a totally different world. People are astonished and think it is crazy that I spent a night at the airport, before I came here. Nobody can understand that I was not able to pay for a hotel. It‘s inexplicable for them that I haven‘t seen any other countries except Sweden, Denmark, Germany and Italy and haven‘t been in Egypt or so. They offered me water and when it was empty the next glas was there immediately - crazy. I‘m sure that I attract attention with my shorts and sandals. Besides that I attract attention anyways, because all the people here have dark hair. Even the little boys were totally twirly, because I‘m „blond“ and I have blue eyes. God, I don‘t want to make moon-eyes at somebody, but I solely want to serve you alone and be a light. Oh, and then there is this thing that I‘m not allowed to go anywhere unaccompanied (because of security issues - El Salvador is the country with highest crime rate worldwide). Help me to not miss it too much. I love to go for a walk with you, therefore it seems to be really hard. Father, bless this room and let it be a room for walks with you. Your will be done, Lord. - Right now I can hear gunfire in the neighbourhood. This is another issue. There are many homes here with armed people in front. Even the children‘s home has such a watchman. Father, thanks that you‘ll never change, even if my world changes. You‘re my rock, there is nothing else I want to trust on. Some people call me courageous, because I did this step in my life. Thank you that I don‘t have to be courageous and I don‘t even feel like it, but I just want to do your will. Thank you for being my father. I love you and I want to share your love with others. Help me to stay myself, no matter if I‘m in the children‘s home or in the hotel. Now I ask you for a deep and recreative sleep.“

(In brackets, brighter and italic: Explanations from myself for a better understanding)

04th of March 2012
In the last days we have had many problems with the internet. That nearly crippled the whole website. Sorry for that. Now everything should work again...
It‘s really a great encouragement and joy to see that still so many of you are visiting this website of Puschel and pray for us as a family here and there. We are again and again grateful for everything God gave us through and in Puschel. The sadness that we lost a person so joyful and characterized by God is vast and certainly will always be in the future. But even if we cannot really understand God‘s thoughts (Isaiah 55:8), God imbues us with great thankfulness and joy especially about the last years again and again. Reading things from Puschel or thinking about her animates us time after time to trust God in the same way she obviously did. Of course on one site you could say that she didn‘t have any choice, because of the cancer. But I see that we always have a choice how to react on these human deeps and lows. Let me give you two little examples out of Puschel‘s devotional book from 2009! On the 25th of September she wrote:
„Jesus, I cry to you! Heal my body! Relieve me from the tumor cells! You are the only one who really can do it. But your will be done. You only mean well for me.“
And on the 2nd and 3rd of October it says: „Jesus, you allowed that I got sick. My only wish is that you will be glorified in that and all participants can see your greatness and might. You are my rock, your will be done. You always mean well with me! I want to love you, I want to thank you! I‘ve been born again, I‘m your child! Free! That‘s what I call fortunate! Jesus, I want to follow you. I do not know yet what that essentially means, but you know it - and that‘s enough.“

We don‘t want to make Puschel‘s most intimate thoughts public, but bit by bit we realize more how her trust in God determined her life and that can only be a challenge for us to emulate her, can it not? If only I could think and pray like that! It has to be so much more present in our hearts that God is really here and HE deserves my worship.

But one more thing is clear: Puschel knew about the strength lying in the love of Jesus and in prayer. She wrote on the 4th of October among other things:“Thank you for all the people who are praying for me and do me good. When I hear from all of them it makes me humble and my heart is even more filled with thanks. Their love is YOUR love.“
I tell you again and again, we totally concur with her opinion. Thanks to you all!!!
However, we really see the problem that we didn‘t make it in the past few weeks to answer all the people and to thank you for all your lovely greetings, prayers and a lot of financial support. We really hope you can understand that it needs time to answer and maybe some will never get a personal answer at all. Believe us that we are so thankful for even the smallest sign of your love for Puschel and also for us.
Some of you told us that we should write a book about Puschel‘s story, using her diary. Actually that‘s not what we want to do, but if it‘s God‘s will then of course we would. Therefore, please pray that God makes it very clear if we should do that! Otherwise everybody can read about Puschel and about her story here on that website.
I won‘t add much to this website in the future, but we will certainly leave it for the next time (months/years), so that everybody who wants to can have a look at it.

Whoever wants to can also read and discuss Puschel‘s article in „Idea“ in a bipartite and extended version at the youth website of the evangelical news service „Idea“, its called „Idealisten.net“. On that website (and on youtube) you can also watch the videos with the interviews with Puschel from the year 2010 and you can listen to the funeral service again. If some of you would like to just listen to the sermon of the service you can also do that on the website www.idealisten.net. Enjoy it!
God bless all of you!


22th of February 2012
It‘s still unbelievable how many letters we get, which shows us how much we  were supported by your love and prayers in the past 5 years. Many of you wrote that you will keep doing that. Thank you so much, because it‘s clear that we cannot be strong enough by ourselves, so that even the death of our beloved Puschel might unsettle us. The truth is that we live more and more by the fact that God really did and does what HE promised in the last 5 years. HE carried Puschel from the beginning and gave her an incredible inner peace which lasted until the end. And HE even gave that peace to us during the whole time.

I would like to quote a few sentences here from Puschel‘s very own personal diary (which I read and saw for the first time at lunch-time break of February 1st): March 26th 2011 - „Father, somehow it seems to me that I rejoice in life every day more; as if I‘m freer than ever before. It feels like a burden is relieved of me since the physicians do not know anymore what to do to help me. Jesus, it sounds weird, but I‘m glad that humans came to this point with their own wisdom. Thank you that even Mummy and Daddy seem to have peace and know that you will make everything right according to your purposes. Please do not take this peace from them ever. Keep your peace in them, because it would be the most difficult thing for me to know that they are just suffering. Probably a rest of anxiety will always stay as parents, will it not? But essentially... Father, I thank you that you do not just care for me, but also for my family.“

Yes, that‘s what HE did all the time!

And we‘re doing really well! When there is sadness, we always feel gratefulness all the more! This is for sure a present from our LORD and therefore also a result of your prayers. Even if God did not answer our prayers in the way we would‘ve liked it, HE didn‘t ignore them, but answered them according to HIS will. In many respects HE gave us more than what we asked for and more we even could understand. We do not say that as an empty promise or because it has to be like that, but because we experience it in that way.

Of course there are also sad thoughts when we are confronted with remembrance in a variety of ways. In the last 5 years nearly everything had to do with Puschel. Right now as we brought Esther, Puschel‘s little sister, back to her work place at Bodenseehof, we came to stop exactly at the same roadhouse on our way back, where Puschel had her last Autobahn rest stop, exactly 5 months ago. A few hours later the emergency doctor had to come to Bülow with the helicopter... and that brings to mind all the many hours in which she was tortured so badly (we could describe that only in outlines on the website...). It‘s barely to depict! However, that also brings to mind that one day later as many as never before watched on this website (on some days in the end of september it‘s been more than 3000 visitors a day) and we could tell Puschel: „There are so many who pray for you, you can be sure that God is in control...“ When she was down and out there were many prayers in her stead! Even for us this was so much comforting and helpful!

There would be so much to write, but I don‘t want to stress your patience or bore you.

However, we would like to tell you that through your donations and letters in the last three week, we got about 3.000,- € for „La Casa de mi Padre“ and in addition to that you gave us so much that we could nearly pay the whole funeral for Puschel with it. It‘s unbelievable and we are filled with wonder and so thankful! We hope that God may repay you in HIS way what you did good to us, because in the end HE is always the one giving to us.

There would be so much more to write about, maybe I will write one or another note later. It‘s barely to manage to answer all of you one at a time.

Many many thanks for everything! Many thanks for all your love. We‘re richly blessed and delighted that obviously many of you were blessed by Puschel herself so much. God is good! We want to praise HIM, as good as we can (certainly not as good as Puschel can do now...!). May HE bless you!

14th of February 2012
If some of you would like to have the current issue of „Idea Spektrum“ (a Christian magazine) with the title „I know, that his plan is perfect“ you can get it from tomorrow on. Best is to write a short email directly from the website www.idea.de or to aboservice@idea.de. I‘m sure you can purchase more than one exemplar if you make a donation, so that you can pass it to somebody else. Surely there are many who subscribe „Idea Spektrum“ anyway, so then it‘s no problem.

At least it‘s an opportunity to share a little bit what some of you and us, too, encouraged very much in the past years.



12th of February 2012
Many of you asked us to keep this page for a while. We would like to do that! I‘m sure there‘ll be the one or other report in the near future, maybe to give you some informations or narratives about Puschel.
For the moment I want to give you a little report about yesterdays funeral service: We are incredibly thankful and really affected that soooo many of you came to say farewell to Puschel. There were approximately 320-350 people at the farewell service. In addition to that approximately 300 people watched the online broadcast. We are really impressed about your love and endurance in all these years until today.
And even if some spoke or wrote to us in an appreciative way and with deference about how we accompanied Puschel as parents and family, that should be rather taken for granted. But we could not expect the same from you as friends or sometimes even completely unknown people. And so we ourselves and Puschel, too, experienced all of you as a big help, support and encouragement and therefore finally as the real miracle (namely really as the family of God).
 Indeed God did not want to effect a miracle and heal Puschel physically here on earth, but Puschel herself would say: „He‘s going to have reasons for that!“ However, we experienced many other miracles, which have been greater than healing (if you might say that). Because God‘s act to create is one thing, HE as creator of everything can do that easily by himself. But the other thing is to prompt us to pray, stay tuned, be faithful and to spell out trust bit by bit. HE cannot do that without us. It needs the decision of each one of us. And you did it! That made it much easier for us to learn „our lesson“ (even though this learning has to proceed).

Thank you for taking part in this combat (even to fight for Puschel‘s life and physical recovery with us). God will show us in eternity why HE chose to do it different with Puschel. Puschel said a several times: „God knows, why HE asks this of me - maybe because HE knows that I will not break.“ Yes, God knows! And HE moved many of you again and again to pray, to trust, to love and to be faithful. That‘s what really helped us to sustain.

There were many times when I went to bed way after midnight and then the next day I found no quiet time with God, but I knew and we as a couple knew it: There are many who are praying in our place now and so they will mysteriously keep us in connection with God. And when Puschel several times said: „Dad, I cannot pray anymore!“ We could answer her: „Puschel, you don‘t have to, because there are countless friends and even unknown „online“ and pray for you and in your place.“ Therefore once again: Many many thanks for your faithfulness!

Many thanks also for all your emails, which you wrote, for all your letters via mail and for every money transfer to our account for the funeral or to the account of „La casa de mi padre“ for the kids in El Salvador! We will need time to „work off“ and to answer everything and maybe it‘ll never work out completely. Therefore even now: May God repay you plenty! In any case, HE knows it!

Yesterday showed us once again what a miracle the congregation of Jesus is in this world - and how urgently this is needed in todays world. Therefore let‘s stay tuned to HIM or newly turn to HIM!

There maybe some new things if you visit this website again in the next time and maybe you will become thankful together with us for what God gave and showed us through Puschel. I myself learned a lot from God in this past 5 years, very often things which need to change in my life or things where I have to focus much more on HIM - but by all means more and more who HE is HIMSELF.




07th of February 2012
There is a lot to think about right now, first of all for Saturday, of course. Many of you signaled already that they would like to come to the funeral of Puschel, some of you even from a long way away. We‘re really pleased about that, for sure. But please consider that we‘re here in Mecklenburg. There are many rural churches in the countryside which are not heatable, Bülow is one of them. We try to heat it in there as much as possible, but you have to expect severe coldness. Later on we will be inside, but for the service (approximately 45 min., likely shorter) and subsequently the burial in Serrahn warm clothing is absolutely necessary!! Please bring a blanket to sit on for good measure! We‘re not sure if it will be enough what we bring.

Please, according to what Puschel would want to have: Better warm than black! Puschel mentioned once that she would not like a funeral where everybody wears black. Therefore, by all means: If your warmest clothes are colored, wear it! The same applies to shoes!

Another quite important information is that Bülow is located a few kilometers south of Teterow at the „Malchiner“ Lake. Several GPS will lead you astray, if you just enter „17166 Bülow“. It‘s better to enter „17166 Schorssow, An der Kirche 1“!

Below you will find three maps: one from the Autobahn 19 (A19) Berlin-Rostock. You have to leave the Autobahn either in Malchow or in Linstow, then drive to Ziddorf on B108 in the direction of Teterow, but already after 200 meters turn right to Schorssow, then later on turn right to Bülow. Once you are in Bülow, just drive towards the church and park somewhere. In case of need call me: 0172-5112125...

You can save and print these google-maps. But most of you would „google“ themselves or have a GPS. In that case only the first picture is important: Bülow at the Malchiner Lake!!!

Maybe there are some more informations later on here.

03th of February 2012
Just a quick note - more to follow:

The farewell celebration for Puschel will take place on the 11th of February at 11.00 AM in the church of Bülow. At 1.00 PM there will be a burial at the cemetery in Serrahn. After that we would like to gather for one or two hours to have a cup of coffee and to have a time of praise and worship and thanks. In that time everybody who wants to share something about his or her relationship or experiences with Puschel can express it. All of you are cordially invited. We will give you further particulars later.

03th of February 2012
We as parents and as family of Puschel are really incredibly impressed and grateful to see how many of you wrote to us. We are amazed by your love, which has been expressed on one hand through the great number of eMails, but on the other hand, also in what you let us know in them. For sure we‘re reading every eMail and every guestbook record and we are often touched! And very often we just have a lump in our throat...

However, please be patient with us and understand that we may not respond as quickly as usual, and sometimes may not even be able to respond at all, but please know that we are so appreciative of all that you have sent to us. It‘s just not possible to answer every email promptly.

But we‘re very pleased to see that even many who did not know Puschel personally have been encouraged through her hard times in the past 5 years and how she accepted her difficulties with confidence and trust.

We ourselves have been astonished often times by our daughter and now we are even more. But much of her really positive attitude, she did not get from us, but through her bonding to her and our Lord. She has not been a “saint“ in the sense of being errorless, but she has been a “saint“ in the sense that her life belonged completely to her Lord Jesus. That is the real reason for our joy and comfort that is taking the place of our feelings of sadness, and helps us to deal with what we can‘t understand.

So we hope and pray that the traces she left in all our hearts and lives in a variety of ways will newly show us the way to our Lord again and again, so that we follow the wonderful Lord who said: „...whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life“ (Gospel of John 8:12, NIV).

We wrote in the obituary for our local newspaper that we would like to ask everybody to not buy extra flowers or wreaths for the funeral, but rather, if they would like to, spend the money for the orphanage in El Salvador, where Puschel worked.

If you would like to give for this purpose, we would be very happy if you transfer an amount with an endorsement “La Casa de mi Padre“ to the account quoted here. We will pass on all the donations. But we also want to thank everybody who transferred or will transfer money to the account indicated for Puschel to support her and us. We will now use this money for the day of parting of Puschel. May God repay you for all the good you have done, and your love for us!

We can‘t thank you enough! And we are really really grateful for everything! God bless all of you according to his greatness!

01th of February 2012
How often did I sit next to Puschel‘s bed to write these reports!

Now I‘m sitting here again, clothed myself with a white shirt, because today is a joyful day for Puschel, this is what we believe. Our Lord  released her now from all her pains and sufferings. Puschel went home to her eternal home last night. Before we went to bed we were standing at her bed, praying together with and for her. After that she breathed calmer and calmer and relatively deep. I myself went to bed far after midnight. Obviously Puschel „fell asleep“ very quiet, this time forever. Many of you prayed together with us for a long time that our Lord performs a miracle. HE did many, which will come up here again, even if HE did not heal her physically. But then you prayed together with us that Puschel is allowed to die in peace and that‘s what God did now.

You know how much we fought for Puschel‘s life and for many reliefs for her (and many of these things would have not been possible without you taking part in the combat). But now we‘re first of all grateful and glad, because she‘s laying in her bed now, having a very peaceful face. And yet, she herself is already not here anymore. The song below „I am with you“ contains all the more meaning and significance now.

It makes us incredibly thankful and glad that so many of you got new confidence for and in their belief through Puschel‘s life (and through her sufferings, too). She would not want to have anything else. And that you fought with us so faithfully and courageously that‘s really an incredible miracle and gift for us. We just can say: May God repay you for everything good you did!
I‘m sure that I will write some more thoughts here sometime. For today we just wanted to give you this information promptly.
Honour and glory be to our Lord. HE gave us such a grateful daughter, who has been so strong in her belief and in everything so thankful. And HE gave you a friend in Puschel, who somehow touched many of you in a variety of ways!
Of course we will later let you know, when and how we are going to say finally goodbye to Puschel.
You‘re welcome to let us know, how you feel or what you experienced with Puschel - either in the guestbook above or, if you do not want to have it publicly, you can write me an eMail to my address:
johannes@holmer.de So much for now. God bless you!

31th of January 2012
Many of you want to know how Puschel is really doing, to pray more specifically for her and so I have to write you today that we‘re really not able to say, how long her heart and also her kidneys will function anymore. We really need to expect at any time that she will be called into eternity. And although we have been at that point once already, now the situation is much more different considering all the indications. We know that God is able to do a miracle at any time (or better to say something for HIM quite normal, but it would be a miracle for us). However, it looks totally different at the moment. I‘m sitting next to her bed right now and I can hear her strong breathing. Everything is completely in God‘s hand! How good to know!!! To ease breathing for Puschel we have been outside extensively, today. That‘s been good. Maybe the cold winter air is a good precondition for a really deep sleep, which she did not get last night... We won‘t give up, particularly because so many of you are faithfully praying for her. Many many thanks for that, again and again!

30th of January 2012
This day was one of the best of recent times, for Puschel and for us as well. That is because on the one hand Puschel was able to go outside for an extensive time and in a glorious sunshine. And the clear and fresh air of the winter was good for her breathing and she simply gets quieter then.

On the other hand that is because once more Dr. Siems came from Rostock, not only to see Puschel, but also to try different things in the treatment. That in addition gave her a distinct relief. So, now she is laying in her bed, fairly k.o.. Please pray with us that she is furthermore filled with God‘s peace and rest deep down into her dreams (surely caused by some medicine she dreams sometimes quite a bit confusing stuff and that‘s bringing herself to heel then). Thank you for each prayer! God bless you!

29th of January 2012
Today much was going on around Puschel! It‘s been nice to have visitors, even for her, although she did not get everything and everybody. Her current condition did not really change. We just hope that she is able to sleep really well now and that she does not realize much of her difficult and arduous breathing.
It‘s been nice that she wanted to go outside again, today. So we went into the cold and dark and it‘s been good for her and for her breathing. Even the colour of her face was really good after it... we pray again and again that Puschel receives God‘s peace deeply even into all her dreams. That‘s more than everything else. And therefore we‘re really grateful that so many of you are doing the same. Many thanks to all who wrote an email to Puschel or us or left a not in her guestbook. I often fail to answer all of you promptly, but it‘s really a gift and encouragement!
And of course we will keep you updated!

28th of January 2012
Just sat  beside Puschel for a time to read her from the book “Heaven is for real”.
Puschel wanted to hear still more but she she fell asleep soon... And that is really good and a grace in all this circumstances. Visibly she is able (sometimes with a little medical help) to sleep well and anduring the whole night. So it seems that she feels her heavy breathing not so strong. May be it is more heavy to sit beside than to go  through byself (at least it seems to be so and of course we we hope that...)
At the afternoon today I asked her if she wants to go outside for a while into the fresh air. She wanted to go immediately... Just came for a visit her grandpa with his wife. They both and Silas and Titus with family too came with us. So a big escort we hadn´t for a long time...
After that we had a time with Puschel in singing songs in praying together. How good that Puschel can be at home! We´r thankfull alltimes that God gave us Dr. Siems and the other doctors there into our way with Puschel!
Please pray only that Puschel will be still able to sleep well and that God makes her (last) way not more heavy!

27th of January 2012
This midmorning we were in Waren in the medical radiology to get a CT scan of Puschel‘s lungs and her head. It clearly results that the problems with breathing are caused by more and more water in her lungs. This again is caused by over-stressing her heart and her circulation constantly (to explain it in a non-technical way).
Considered medically there is no way out of this spiral.
We just can see day by day now and try to ease Puschel‘s life as good as we can. Of course we would like to do that.
Puschel realized again in tears today that it‘s getting worse and worse... It‘s so good to know that we as children of God know that life and dead, time and eternity are solely in God‘s hand. And how good and comforting is it to know that Puschel IS a child of God and eventually she will be at home in eternity with our LORD.
It‘s good that God usually placed the wish to live gladly and to hold on to this life in our hearts and in Puschel‘s, too. If God wants to do a miracle and keep Puschel on this earth than I guess it‘s time now... and if God wants to take Puschel home in eternity we hope that HE is going to make this last way not too hard for Puschel and for us. And we‘re thankful and glad for all your support and every prayer!

26th of January 2012
We will not show you picture from the ambulance again... at the moment we are completely baffled, more than before... Puschel came very well through this day at the „blood garage“. Unfortunately shortness of breath has still priority. It started this morning again. The X-rays did not give us new insights until now. The physicians in Teterow trace the air hunger to the metastases in her lungs. But for us the question is why it occurred fulminant and vigorously. Maybe it is caused also by a bronchitis or even a lung inflammation. We‘re going to try to clarify that. We will get the final results of the X-rays not until tomorrow. Today Puschel got an inhalator, which should help to relieve the distress a little bit.

We know that everything yet to come is completely in God‘s hand. And we‘re still glad about each day. Of course we desperately wish for Puschel that she does not have to suffer more. We pray for that and we fight for that, but it‘s not in our hands. Therefore we are glad that you pray together with us. Because everything is ultimately and completely in God‘s hand. We can and we want to trust him that HE is going to mean and finally make everything well, even if we would wish to have some things different.

25th of January 2012
We will not show you picture from the ambulance again... at the moment we are completely baffled, more than before... Puschel came very well through this day at the „blood garage“. Unfortunately shortness of breath has still priority. It started this morning again. The X-rays did not give us new insights until now. The physicians in Teterow trace the air hunger to the metastases in her lungs. But for us the question is why it occurred fulminant and vigorously. Maybe it is caused also by a bronchitis or even a lung inflammation. We‘re going to try to clarify that. We will get the final results of the X-rays not until tomorrow. Today Puschel got an inhalator, which should help to relieve the distress a little bit.

We know that everything yet to come is completely in God‘s hand. And we‘re still glad about each day. Of course we desperately wish for Puschel that she does not have to suffer more. We pray for that and we fight for that, but it‘s not in our hands. Therefore we are glad that you pray together with us. Because everything is ultimately and completely in God‘s hand. We can and we want to trust him that HE is going to mean and finally make everything well, even if we would wish to have some things different.

24th of January 2012
Puschel slept well, but this morning she had to come back to life first... but then we had a beautiful and until the evening quite stable day. In the afternoon we could go outside in her big „laying - wheelchair“ for a beautiful walk in bright sunshine. You can see it allusively on the pictures... It‘s been nearly like in the olden days: Puschel took the pictures with her Nikon (of course not all of them...) and pleasured in the beautiful winter weather.

Altogether she is doing much better than yesterday. However, it seems that she is getting an infection, perhaps a bronchitis, again. We hope that the hospital can give us further information tomorrow and propose something. This evening she could not breath very well again. Probably we will start tomorrow morning right away. And our hope is that they take X-rays at the hospital, too, and a blood test. Thanks for accompany us in prayer.

Aprospos, the Bible word of these day in Germany is in Psalm 46,2-3:
God is our refuge and strength, an
ever-present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear




23th of January 2012
Puschel is at home again!! She actually got 2 blood transfusions, today. This morning, right after she woke up, they drew blood and then she had a 8-hours-day. Now she is quite k.o., but glad because everything worked very well. Our hope is now that she will feel a distinct improvement tomorrow. On Wednesday she has to do the same thing again, because these 2 blood transfusions are insufficient. Normally she would have to stay in the hospital until tomorrow, but you know how she is really sick of being in the hospital. In Teterow they were very friendly and approached our wish to go home. So she will get 2 more on Wednesday.

With breathing she still has problems, but of course it needs a little time until she can experience a distinct relief in that issue. Let‘s hope that she can sleep through the night and recover with much rest.

22th of January 2012
Maybe you want to watch the appendix to yesterday‘s update... sometimes strength comes exactly to the right time...! Today Puschel was fit enough right for the service, so that she could join. After that her strength was gone and also going outside was not possible today. We needed to focus on how we can come through the weekend and the beginning of this new week, to see on Monday what opportunities we have to help her to gain more strength again. Once again we have to think about a blood transfusion and other things. All of this is not possible during the weekend of course. But as often such problems come often straight before the weekend...

But we are thankful and glad that Puschel overcame everything so well until now. In between times Puschel got nearly a bit of panic attacks, because she couldn‘t breath very well. Now we just hope that she comes to rest and that she sleeps through the night and then we will see what tomorrow brings.

As you can see, even in between a day the situation can change. However, we still know what happened a few weeks ago... we are still thankful for each day!

21th of January 2012
Puschel still needs kind of a „starting time“ in the morning, but in the afternoon and evening she is mostly doing fairly well. So it was today. She was able to eat normally with us in the kitchen, together with her little nieces, her big brother and his wife. And she still tries to get some fresh air outside everyday.

Furthermore, according to the plan, she took a bath today. This went very well. Insofar not much new happened today, but it‘s the „normal things“ which are like a miracle for her. And so she could be really happy this day. Even now she is hoping that she would be able tomorrow to come to the living room, so that she can join our service there... that‘s good, isn‘t it?

1:00 A.M:
Now I want to give you a new information for now: Since some hours Puschel has hard problems with her breathing. She has since some days noises from her lungs but now really problems. Of course we hops it will be not a serious and enduríng problem. But for her that all is serious... Thank you for praying for that!

20th of January 2012
Sometimes the circumstances aren‘t that easy, especially for Puschel herself, as all she can do is laying in her bed alone. And in addition to that there are smaller, sometimes not really comprehensible infections from time to time. The day before yesterday she suddenly got an intestinal infection. Now her breathing causes problems. Her lungs rales a little bit. This of course prompts questions if it‘s maybe caused by the metastases in her lungs... and of course this could be! We did not have any examination since at least half a year. And then we have to and can realize that again and again everything, each new day which we experience is in God‘s hand. It‘s the same with all of us of course, but with Puschel and all who are in a similar situation it is more obvious. How good to know that it is not random and it‘s not tragic fate!

And how good that all of you pray the whole time for Puschel (and even for us), because sometimes human strength is insufficient! And sometimes there are depressing thoughts even for Puschel and then there is not enough strength left to powerfully trust. But with God‘s strength (I cannot explain it in another manner) there is never bad temper, but his peace is always present. That‘s a miracle and that‘s a gift. Thank you God! And thanks to you for every prayer and all your support!

19th of January 2012
It‘s sometimes really late with my updates on these website. The reason is that I have to lead some services or other  church meetings. Today it was a bible meeting. Only after that I´m able to write the update here. I am so sorry for that but it isn´t possible better...
Today we not really new pictures above. But anyway the left picture is important becaus it shows how Puschel is working alltimes to come “on the legs” again. For a good re-mobilizing is it necessary to stand up as often as possible. So it´s possible to help up her blood circulation.

Now comes the news of the day: probably at the next week Puschel will get the bed training device!

The  health insurance company advocated to can try these device for some weeks. If it is helpfull for Puschel she can use it for the necessary time.
Thank you for all your prayer and all encouragement. God knows how important it will be for Puschel. Will show you the pictures of that later...

18th of January 2012
It‘s always a question how much details we should give you - like we did with the bed-training-device. We do not want to moan or complain, because altogether we‘re really doing well. And who else has hordes of friends and prayers backing us, like we do...?

Some of you asked or gave us advice to help. That‘s really great. Now we send an inquiry in a matter of urgency to the health insurance company and we asked them to decide the issue and if necessary to go over the head of the assessment of the medical service. They have all possibilities to do that... many thanks to you for all your demands, hints or support!! We will give account!

But once we are with these themes we can depict you another „construction area“: We did file a lawsuit against the social services department in our administrative district so that Puschel finally will get permanent public assistance (basic security) in the amount which is due to her. But yesterday we got a notification from them that Puschel will get 170 € less (a reduction nearly by half...). They found a ploy to save the costs for rental, heating and some others...
I write these things simply to describe it and to remind some of you to pray for it here and there. Thank you ever so much!
Like I said, we are thankful for everything and for every new day which God gives us together with Puschel. And some of you can experience her sometimes. Please just pray that she will not lose courage, but that she accept her circumstances again and again like they are. It‘s already solely a miracle...


17th of January 2012
Today we came to know that the medical service, which is responsible for the health insurance company, cannot approve (or doesn‘t want to?) that Puschel can get such a „leg-mobilization device for her bed“. They decided that this would not be necessary or justifiable after watching Puschel‘s file... it‘s clear that if they watch Puschel‘s file, they cannot understand her current situation. She is laying in her bed since many weeks and does have nearly no muscles in her calf... but they won‘t find any report from a doctor or an evaluation from the last 10 weeks. Nevertheless, we will now try to plausibly explain the health insurance company why Puschel still needs such a device... it would be really good if she could get it as soon as possible.

With her pains it‘s sometimes good and sometimes not. Altogether it‘s ok! We‘re still very thankful for every day! Thanks that you pray further for her. We will keep you updated...

16th of January 2012
Today Puschel had a really calm day. On the one hand it was calm, on the other hand it was exciting, but not restless exciting. Today she got another opportunity to embrace the world a little bit more. We were able to install a big screen in her room with what she can use the internet, use her computer in a better way and of course also she can watch movies „really good“. This was possible because some of you spent money for no reason and therefore it‘s also a present from her friends and siblings. Since a long time we consider it as a miracle and as an answer to our prayers that she did not totally despair because she can do nothing than just lay and not acting independently. Now she can do it at least a little bit better. Her eyes are not that good yet, but it gets better. And who knows, maybe she can write one or another e-mail soon...

Besides that it‘s been calm, even with her pains. And that‘s quite good news. I can go on like that...


15th of January 2012
It was in all cases one of the better days for Puschel. Her great desire was it to can join in our church Sunday service  at least from our living room on the tv-screen. Puschels big wheel chair had not enough space in our church room... Puschels grandpa was the preacher today. To hear him was also good in front of the screen... After that it was happen a lot for Puschel because many people wanted to talk with her. She had power and energy enough! At the afternoon she had been in the fresh air again. For the evening was a big bath on the scedule... In the end Puschel sank into her pillows in the bed and slept very soon... In the end of the walk outside she got a hard  pain attac again. But all in all it was a really good Sunday for her.
You all we wish a really good new week!

14th of January 2012
Considering the pains in her legs it stagnates. Yet, it did not diminish and so we can hope that her condition stabilizes bit by bit. Today Puschel had visitors once again. Surprisingly Markus Spieker signed up, who has less time of course, because he works at the the television. But he absolutely wanted to visit Puschel again and so he came summarily driven from Berlin. Puschel was sleeping deeply for her midday nap, when she got surprised. 

Also, by early evening Puschel‘s aunt Dorothea & Sieghard Reiter from Rostock came for a visit, and in the evening grandpa Holmer... So there was a lot going on.

Now we hope again for a good and calm night and that Puschel is able to join the service of our church tomorrow.

13th of January 2012
Puschel is not doing towering well but better a lot than at the last week. Therefor we are really very thankfull. Today we were again in the fresh air. You can see that by the pictures above. That is allways good also if it´s not very long. Today it was a little too windy and too cold... And also the big pain in he rlegs are giving a limit for a longer way.
But all in all Puschel is doing right well.

Now quite another matter: Some of you transferred money for Puschel in the past. Of course we are very grateful for that, because we have to spend a lot of money for all the treatments and therapies, transports, etc.! The problem is that a few times people transferred money without a reference that this is for Puschel‘s treatments and transports and other costs caused by her disease. As a consequence the social services department count this money nearly completely against her basic security (which, by the way, Puschel did not get completely since 2009). So we would like to ask you that if you have plans to transfer money for Puschel please use the account which is listed on our contact site. And please note the purpose on the form simply as I described it above. It would be a shame if you want to give money for Puschel‘s welfare and in the end you spend it for the social services department... And these procedure isn´t illegal.

However, we are very thankful for your help and we just can say: May God bless you for that! It‘s really a privilege to be part of God‘s big family!! And it is e great encouragement!

12th of January 2012
Today in the morning Puschel slept really elaborate. But then she had an all in all really good day. Up to the evening she was doing one more sigificant better. That means she has to suffer under less pain. And all of you those are knowing Puschel knows too that she wants to go alltimes up to her limits... At the moment that means for Puschel not to can walk around but at least first to can stay a while beside her bed. She did it...! It was to see that her blood was flowing down to her legs... Clear that it is in all cases a really good thing for her blood circulation. And of course also for her psyche etc... Additional: by the pictures you can see how much joy she has - also in laying in her bed - with her little Gracy...
Nobody knows how she is doing with her tumor and where all things will go in the future. But we want to take each single better day thankfull from the hands of our God.

11th of January 2012We cannot show you here new pictures because it doesn´t happans really news. But a new entry I will give you.

It is about unchanged with Puschels doing comparable to the last few days. It isn´t significant better. But at the last night she slept very well - complete without sleep medicine. That´s also a good news. A little better is it with her pain in her legs. And we´re allready contentedly with little steps... so we are still hopefully... - and we´re thankfull that you´re hopefull with us!

10th of January 2012
Today the day began like the last day has ended... - not so good. We had to look again step by step how it can go. But at the afternoon we could see a little better situation in her legs. Puschel came more in calm with less pain. She took a bath at the afternoon. That is allways a lot of stress for her legs. But after that she is allmost able to sleep a time. So after her sleep at night we could maker her a really ggod meal for the night... Now we hope only that these night will be better than the last nights. We are knowing that God is able to give her rest and peacefullness for her whole body and her heart. Thank you for staying still  in prayer for her. so we want to stay patience in trusting our Lord!

09th of January 2012
When the last entry yesterday was ready Puschel got anew more and more strong pain in her legs especially in her left leg. So it is still with Puschel at the moment good and at the next moment much different. The big problem is that by these Puschel s day and normal life is really influenced. In the end she isn´t able to sleep good in these pain. Therefore her night began about 1:30 A.M. And she woke up already at eight. So she was tired for the whole day. Additional she had these pain for the whole day. And we doesn´t know what we can do against that.

Puschel is still really present and awake but so she feels much more that she isn´t able to do anything activ and by herself.

So we see again how depend we are from our Lord and only can take every day from HIS hands. That we want to do allways - not only Puschel but we all too!

08th of January 2012
Today Puschel had again a little better day than before. In the morning she was able to watch our Sunday church service by the internet. Tince then she had been completely awake and active, of course inclusive a good nap at midday time... Now she has still a few hours for being awake with different activities. So we hope she will get a really good neight again. The best would it be if she will be able to sleep without additional sleep medicine. Cause these medicine works until the next day about the lunch time. Presently Puschel is able a little bit better to use her eyes... Reading is still laboringly for her even more to write letters, emails etc. But we want to giver her a bigger screen for her computer as soon as possible. So we hope she will get able to use her computer again. May be anybody will get an answer of mails... Thank to all those have written mails or other letters although nowbody could awaite an answer.
We´re excited how it will go on - and of course also hopefull...

07th of January 2012
We had again an eventful day here in Bülow... How good that Puschel was able to sleep really good at the last night... At forenoon Puschels friend Myriam from presently Canada came with her husband Daniel and Puschels godchild Pia for tha last visit. They said good bye ant afternnon for the next few month. In the next week they will start  the last step of a culture and misson training. They´re prepairing for the coming work in “LaCasa de mi Padre” in El Salvador.
At the midday time Puschel got e really special visit again: Dr. Siems came for looking at Puschels complete status, not only by phone.
He came with Anna, a young woman who had a very hard accidentz with her car and got by this really hard wounds. She is glad and thankfull like Puschel for a doctor who see visibly his profession as an appointiveness and not only as a profession. You it was a special visit and we want to pray for Anna that she will get a goos recovering and a good perspektive for the future. Thank you if you will pray for her with us and stay in prayer for Puschel.

06th of January 2012
As you know every day has its own challenge. It was very nice that Puschel got lots of visitations and she still get. Yesterday night she did not come to rest, because her leg caused problems. At the moment it’s less strongly than it has been before, yet it’s strong enough so that Puschel was very affected by it and in the end we did not really find a possibilty to do something against it. It took us until around 2:30 AM when Puschel really fell asleep... and so again and again it’s different than what we hoped or expected. Nevertheless, comparatively everything is very good at the moment. We never should forget how sick she really is and how she was doing three or 7 or all the more 12 or 14 weeks ago... Since yesterday she is at home for 10 weeks now. And so we further want to be thankful for every new day.

05th of January 2012
There is really a lot of fun for Puschel these days. Because today in addition to the visitors this week her godmother Liesel came for a one-day visit, whom she saw last time in steady narcosis in the hospital of Güstrow and also her cousin Maria with her brother Jakob (they are all from Vogtland). So she had a “full-house” for lunch, lots of fun and much to tell. You can see it in the pictures: Puschel has been a few times in the kitchen to eat. That causes problems, because her legs hurt through the different positioning and troublesome motions, but that’s worth it for her - and for us, too. After that she is usually so knocked out that she can sleep well. However, now she is in her room, watching a movie again with the girls from South Germany. She can sleep afterwards...

You can see she’s doing better and better. But of course in between we have to give her a drip against the pains or the nausea or sometimes a painkiller-bolus. But all in all we’re very grateful for the time, which God gives Puschel and also us with her.

04th of January 2012
Of course it’s always good if one has  a lot to do, but sometimes you have to be encouraged to be active. So we are happy at the moment that Puschel has a lot of visitors. Shortly before Christmas we had to write Ellis from Holland that it is to much for Puschel if she would come... now things are totally different. Of course we have to keep in mind that Puschel is seriously ill and she needs caring all the time. For instance one have to carry her into the bathtub and back to her bed, so she needs always somebody to help her. But all of this is much easier if she is awake and attentive and if she can experience and enjoy the days completely. And of course she enjoys it if her little Pia takes a bath together with her...! That was fun for all parties. And that the girls are sitting at her bed now, watching a movie, helps her to sleep good later and it helps us to work a little bit by the way...!

03th of January 2012
There was a lot action for Puschel today:
In the night her friends Eva & Judith with Tina, a friend of them, arrived. As you know they are from South Germany and not unknown any more at our house. You can see them at the right picture above together with Puschel and Eva-Maria.

Right after her midday break a very special person woke Puschel up from her nap: her Godchild Pia, who came from Canada for this Christmas season with her parents Myriam and Daniel. Puschel did not recognize Pia in the beginning, because she was so sleepy and because Pia was not the little baby from the summer anymore, but a super tiny and  autonomously running around young lady... it was an intense joy again... and so Puschel was kept in suspense today... The great thing is that she can realize and experience everything very awake and direct at the moment. That’s everything else but not taken for granted after the last weeks and it’s a real gift!

02th of January 2012
Today the things are a little bit better again! Puschel has been awake and activ for the whole day, except the nap at the lunch time. But after that we did a walk together with the bif wheelchair so far like never before since we´re using these wheelchair again. Earlier we did a walk very often to Schorssow (about 3 km). Today it was nearly the same distance. So all in all it was a distance of about 5 km... Is that nothing? On the way Puschel visited an old woman friend in Bülow. In the summer she walked there by herself. Mrs. Scheel was really lucky for our ringing her out...

After that she had her physiotherapy again, now on her shedule is only watching a movie. So little by ittle sh is better able to read the more bigger letters. The pain killers we could reduce more and the pain in her legs is reduced too, also the strong nausea.

Like you see: All in all really still a betterment

01th of January 2012
The first day of these year had going all in all very fine. Puschel slept good at night before. Today she could be with us in our Newyear-Sunday-Service on TV in our living room. The pain and also the nausea wasn´t a problem today. In the background it is there bur presently not a problem. So we want to be still thankfull knowing that every good days are not really obviously. We´re knowing too that it can be alltimes completely different.
We´re sure that God has all the days of the new year in HIS hands like He held also every day of the last year!

The new Bible vers of the year 2012 is from 2. Corinthians 12:9. There Paul said:
He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”said:
A postcard with these vers and a picture of Puschel we gave as a gift to the visitos in our church service.
If anybody want to have some of these cards please write a short letter.
God bless you in the New Year! And thankyou again for all your love and support!

My life is in your hands!

You don’t have to worry And don’t you be afraid. Joy comes in the morning, Troubles they don’t last always. For there’s a friend named Jesus Who will wipe your tears away. And if your heart is broken,
Just lift your hands and say:
Oh, I know that I can make it, I know that I can stand. No matter what may come my way, My life is in your hands! With Jesus I can take it, with Him I know I can stand. No matter what may come my way, My life is in your hands.

So when your tests and trials They seem to get you down, And all your friends and loved ones Are nowhere to be found. Remember there’s a friend named Jesus Who will wipe your tears away. And if your heart is broken, Just lift your hands and say:
Oh, I know that I can make it, I know that I can stand. No matter what may come my way, My life is in your hands! With Jesus I can take it, with Him I know I can stand. No matter what may come my way, My life is in your hands.

Glad to know, that I know, that I know My life is in your hand. When I’m on a mountain top I may be down in the valley No matter what I’m going true My life is in your hand.
That’s why I love you Jesus, You mean everything to me
My life is in your hands.