May, 18th 2010
Our vers of the year for 2009:
Jesus replied, "What is impossible with men is possible with God."
The newest letters of Push
Hello my dear friend!
Right now I am sitting outside in nature where our donkies and horses are, and the animals keep visiting me. Nico, one of our donkies, is trying every ones in a while to steel my laptop cover or my bible, but I am quicker than him. I have started to write this letter a few times before, but so far it has not been enough. I tell you my life does not get boring. Oh I am so grateful to god that I never get bored. On the contrary there are so many things in my head which I would like to do, but I do not have the time, strength or opportunity. Therefore, I am glad that I was able to do some of these things in the past few months, but I will tell you about that later. First of all I want to answer two questions that I have been asked a lot.
The first question is:
“Is it not hard to keep holding on to god, when you feel so weak? I am astound that you are still holding on to him!”
Letting go of Jesus and His leading of my life would be the dummest thing I could do. He is the only one who can always be with me now and in the future- without any compromise. My family and friends love me, but they can not follow me everywhere or help me with everything. Jesus can! And this is how I get to know Him better in times of trouble. It is exactly the way you get to know a friend during times of trouble. And in all honesty, what reason do I have to ignore god? You think the typical question, “Why does god let this happen?” But god has His reasons for all He does! His thoughts are “thoughts of peace” (bible). I can tell you a lot of things from the past few years for which it has been good that god let me be sick. But I will never find out or completely understand what it was or is good for. One thing I know, though: I can accept the help of my creator and let Him carry me. He does not like to see us suffer. But unfortunately there is also the devil on earth who wants to destroy everything. This world is “thank goodness” only a preparation of our actual life. And god gives us the free choice where we want to spend eternity.
The bible says:
17For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. (2. Corinthians 4: 17-18)
I came to the conclusion to thank god for the years before my sickness. Those years in which He took me into His school and put on my heart to learn a lot from Him. Because of that it was not an exceptional case for me to trust in Him “just” because my feet suddenly seemed to stumble. Where were my feet standing?
24"Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. (Matthew 7: 24)
We tend to only call on Jesus during emergencies. Guess what? My biggest wish is that you start searching god’s closeness before problems appear! Be wise with the time you have so that you may built your life on a rock and take god’s commandments which are written in the bible to heart.
2in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. (Ephesians 2: 2)
… I sure do not want to belong to the devil… Would there be something good if I did not trust in god or sought His presence? Feel free to send me an email if you come up with reasons why I should not trust in god.
The seccond question is:
“It has got to be hard having to wait for the results of the radiation therapy till the end of may, is it not?”
A very wise man in the bible once said:
9 Be happy, young man, while you are young, and let your heart give you joy in the days of your youth. Follow the ways of your heart and whatever your eyes see, but know that for all these things God will bring you to judgment. 10 So then, banish anxiety from your heart and cast off the troubles of your body, for youth and vigor are meaningless. (Ecclesiastes 11: 9 –10)
It is right I do not know what the results of the analysis will be, but when do we ever know what tomorrow will bring. I am not waiting for the end of May (especially because I will also be a year older again… I know a lot of you think that this is not old, but that is as so many things debatabel). Why should I not enjoy my life and be happy about erverything I can do these days?
I can not stop that time of my life, but I can chose what to do with the time left. Since I have Jesus who gives me eternal life, joy, peace, strength and so much more I have a reason to enjoy my life with a joyful heart. Especially during a time like this every minute has become even more important. It does not help anybody to feel sorry for oneself, wait to hear about the condition of my tumor, be bitter with god or with my body. Of course, I tear up every so often, because my life could be shorter or the doctors might have to surgically remove the tumor which would mean that I could be paralysed. But that must not influence how I live my life now. There is more and “every day has it’s own sorrow…” (Matthew 6) Besides, right now that is not the case and so I use my life to praise my creator and His creation.
I am sure that Jesus will not let me fall no matter what. Would you quit a friendship just because it gets a little complicated? I hope for you that you do not. And if Jesus is not your friend yet I want to encourage you, no matter how easy or hard your life is right now, to start a friendship with Him. He has been waiting for a long time already to give you peace for your life. You can be sure that He is watching and waiting for you, because he loves you. Some of you probably think right now BLA BLA BLA… But if Jesus was only BLA BLA I would not let Him lead my life. He does not force us to be with Him and be happy. It is our own decision.
Now I want to tell you about my joys in the past few months… Just a few otherwise I would never get done… By the way you are a great reader!
Many people have prayed that I might get into the heavy ion therapy. It is not to be taken for granted to get into this programme. I am already done for few weeks now. When I was first accepted into the programme we asked god for his guidance for the doctors so that they might find the right way to treat me with all the hightech machinery. A little while back I reseived an email from a nurse who is working there. She is a Christian and was very happy when she heard that I was allowed to be treated. She remembered how the doctors and nurses where facing a puzzle on how to position me on the treatment table. The positioning was planned in a way that allowed me to omit most of my pain meds after the radiation. I always fall asleep while being treated. It was such a releave that my condition was stabil enough to allow me to live with friends instead of staying in the hospital. In addition to that I am grateful that one of my parents could always be ther with me. Oh how grateful am I for my parents… and of course for the rest of my family! Within the last half a year I have been able to visit my friends in Sweden twice. In April Silas and I where able to ride the fourwheeler through the Swedish forest. Is it not cool!?
Between Christmas and New Years my friends from Canada and a friend from Hamburg who I had met in Sweden, came for a visit. It was a blessed time for us all, but it was over way to fast. My friend Myri and her husband Daniel came for a visit, too. I was allowed to have a lot of friends come for visits which has been a great joy for me. Even my little nieces came over a lot. It is exciting to see them grow.
Oh there is one more thing I need to tell you. When Eva and Judith came for a visit the other day, my mom and I where able to visit a island barn (islands = type of pony) with the two of them. We where able to go horse back riding along the Baltic Sea. (My pelvis let me go for a ride given an extra dose of pain killers.) With that a dream came true, even for my mom. Her smile on the back of the pony was the best…!
Now I have a smile on my face, too, thinking back. I am so glad that my strength a slowly coming back to me. I am also glad that I have not had a single cold during the last winter and that with an immune system like mine! Will you praise Jesus with me for all the good He is giving us every day! And let us live our lives to His glory. Hold on to Him with me, independent of our circumstances and injoy everything that He has in store for us… and if the road gets bumpy, know, that He is holding you if you let Him!